Freak Out Moments











{October 11, 2013}   The Fat Factor and photography

I am realistic, I am a big girl. I know this, to be honest we are ALL aware of our own bodies and size.  Don’t be fooled into thinking I am unaware of my own shape and size, and why? I was for many years a dancer and singer and very slender. I was toned, I did ballet, jazz and tap, I danced for two to three hours a day and I would ride horses around when I wasn’t in school/college/work.

I didn’t have a full time office job, I wasn’t subject to injuries and at the time I wasn’t even aware of the horrifically cruel things human’s would do to one another just to make themselves feel better. And that’s the crux of this post…

I shied away from my picture being taken for years after I exited the entertainment business. At size 8-10 with fairly decent figure, fit, healthy, brown hair and brown eyed I was told more often than I would care to mention – you are too fat, need to loose a couple pounds. Basically in order to satisfy a man’s ideals instead of being happy that I was healthy they wanted me to starve. Ballet Dancers aren’t allowed to eat, shit or drink like a human they are expected to be some form of bone with a fleshy cling-film overlay.

My impression of the cosplay world for those that want to take it seriously is that it is just as brutal and rude. CRUDE would be a good word. I am not thin, I am not going to slim down for THEM I do it for me!

I have downsized from a UK 24 to an 18 in the last year, I have done it with a healthier eating pattern and by taking walks. I have done this for me not for a media photographer and yet I still see girls who are perfectly healthy and normal being told they are too fat, their breasts are too small.

It actually makes you feel disappointed that in a day and age where we are so willing to fight for the rights of a murder, or rapist that nothing is said about the media portrayal of people.  It’s easier to poke fun at the “fat bitch” than to think, hey she’s really fighting to get up in the morning, to do the right thing, I should ask her how she’s feeling… I should keep my damned abusive mouth shut.

It is true I feel that you can avoid internet bullying, but I also think it’s important to understand people that feel bullied won’t know how to deal with it. Sometimes we aren’t equipped with the mindset to walk away, you sit in front of the PC and see those comments, “fat” “ugly” “worthless” and buried in the myriad of beautiful praises they stand out, they are negative and they are hurtful. Internet trolls aren’t even clever people, they just think they are. Personally they are the ones I feel more sorry for when I sit down to analyse it, after all they are that needy for attention they have to try to destroy other people’s creativity and happiness.

So I guess really what I am saying is, I don’t think it’s important to you as a person if you cosplay and they ignore your costume for the thing girl. I’ve been physically pushed aside by men for a picture of a prettier girl by the way…

It is more important to evaluate your self-worth. I find this hard but here’s my example!

I love what I do, I have a balance of life and work, I love my friends and family equally. I won’t judge you as a man or woman, I will judge you as a person. I am not blind to my follies and faults, I will adapt and try to move forwards. I WILL love you no matter your size and I DO care if you are upset.

And, if anyone ever wants to talk to me outside of my blogs you can find me on facebook.

Take care all,

GearsGirl

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{April 10, 2012}   Trollolol

I have to admit I can’t understand the need for it from people. If the only thing of importance in my life was commenting on another person’s tiniest comments I’d have a brilliant life! Personally I think anyone that spends their day anonymously abusing the family of a tragic death or posting on someone’s blog who has suffered a terrible accident is a very sad and pathetic individual.

I was bullied horrifically as a child, one incident was where three 15 year old girls decided to “kick me in” outside my elderly nan’s flat. All because they wanted to look cool at school. Funny that, I came out with good grades, a stable relationship and a loving family. The wonders of facebook allow me to see that at least two of them are still unemployed even now, so who really was the “looser”?

Internet bullying is a crime, like the real thing, it’s not protecting meek people from a higher social chain it’s protecting the fact that human beings are in general so awful to one another we need laws to stop it. A child that commits suicide over bullying has (in my view) been murdered and the bastards responsible should be brought to justice for it.

Anonymous trolls on internet forums are the worst kind, they can’t even get the guts to do something to your face, presumably as they would get a rightful punch in it!

I was brought up to respect other people, I wasn’t encouraged to be rude and yet it seems that it’s becoming the normal thing to do. If someone makes a sensible comment or post that cannot be responded to you will find that thread is ignored. If of course someone posts an inane piece of drivel or the person doing the post is in the wrong place etc you can expect a flood of hundreds of comments, relating from “ya mom” to downright verbal abuse.

It’s quite sad if you look at it, we’re incapable as a species of being community minded. We’re all assholes. I aim not to be, I am sure I have my moments, but I know that when I put a comment to something I will try to ensure that it’s constructive. If I don’t like something I just move on, people who troll are doing so to get a rise and response. I let them leave their snide comments and move on, even if they reply to something else I was involved in.

I don’t feed the trolls and I don’t insult my own intelligence by rising to the bait, if I get caught out shame on me eh!



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