Freak Out Moments











{October 24, 2013}   Pre Expo Blog

Wow it’s time already? MCM Expo in London, I am packed as much as I can be before setting off. Since May I have downed my size from 24 – 18 apart from my top half cos my stupid bewbs refuse to disappear on me just yet!

What a crazy few months of prepping it’s been too. I am taking an upgraded version of my Nero from DMC4, and I am taking Dante again, female version, with a sword I will be picking up the Friday. I am then going to be taking my first full Resident Evil one, I have made a crossplay (sorta) of Nightmare version of Chris Redfield.

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So here’s where the nerves start, despite loving the costumes and going out on a crazy train for three days there are some things I can’t ever stop. One is that sickly stomach feeling when I realise just how nervous it makes me but that’s okay this is a hurdle I would love to cross sometime and only by carrying on will I really get a chance to do that.

I want to thank my friends, you’re support has been overwhelming and to everyone that’s new to my little page I genuinely thank you for taking the time to read what I put on these pages.

Conventions are a fantastic way to show off the things you love, and the passion that you have. So far I have realised that there are some I enjoy as costumes more than others but the response to them varies too. For instance my Marluxia from Kingdom Hearts gets me a lot of nice comments but I have had a couple of nasty ones about others I do. I don;’t mind, I accept that everyone has a different taste but I think that overall it’s important to respect the work that people out into them. For this reason even if I don’t know the character or particularly like the character I will still compliment a job well done. I think we should all do that.

So to everyone off to London, or just interested in these things in general I hope to see you around or if not I hope you enjoy what I write.

See you all soon.

Yours.

Gearsgirl.

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{October 11, 2013}   The Fat Factor and photography

I am realistic, I am a big girl. I know this, to be honest we are ALL aware of our own bodies and size.  Don’t be fooled into thinking I am unaware of my own shape and size, and why? I was for many years a dancer and singer and very slender. I was toned, I did ballet, jazz and tap, I danced for two to three hours a day and I would ride horses around when I wasn’t in school/college/work.

I didn’t have a full time office job, I wasn’t subject to injuries and at the time I wasn’t even aware of the horrifically cruel things human’s would do to one another just to make themselves feel better. And that’s the crux of this post…

I shied away from my picture being taken for years after I exited the entertainment business. At size 8-10 with fairly decent figure, fit, healthy, brown hair and brown eyed I was told more often than I would care to mention – you are too fat, need to loose a couple pounds. Basically in order to satisfy a man’s ideals instead of being happy that I was healthy they wanted me to starve. Ballet Dancers aren’t allowed to eat, shit or drink like a human they are expected to be some form of bone with a fleshy cling-film overlay.

My impression of the cosplay world for those that want to take it seriously is that it is just as brutal and rude. CRUDE would be a good word. I am not thin, I am not going to slim down for THEM I do it for me!

I have downsized from a UK 24 to an 18 in the last year, I have done it with a healthier eating pattern and by taking walks. I have done this for me not for a media photographer and yet I still see girls who are perfectly healthy and normal being told they are too fat, their breasts are too small.

It actually makes you feel disappointed that in a day and age where we are so willing to fight for the rights of a murder, or rapist that nothing is said about the media portrayal of people.  It’s easier to poke fun at the “fat bitch” than to think, hey she’s really fighting to get up in the morning, to do the right thing, I should ask her how she’s feeling… I should keep my damned abusive mouth shut.

It is true I feel that you can avoid internet bullying, but I also think it’s important to understand people that feel bullied won’t know how to deal with it. Sometimes we aren’t equipped with the mindset to walk away, you sit in front of the PC and see those comments, “fat” “ugly” “worthless” and buried in the myriad of beautiful praises they stand out, they are negative and they are hurtful. Internet trolls aren’t even clever people, they just think they are. Personally they are the ones I feel more sorry for when I sit down to analyse it, after all they are that needy for attention they have to try to destroy other people’s creativity and happiness.

So I guess really what I am saying is, I don’t think it’s important to you as a person if you cosplay and they ignore your costume for the thing girl. I’ve been physically pushed aside by men for a picture of a prettier girl by the way…

It is more important to evaluate your self-worth. I find this hard but here’s my example!

I love what I do, I have a balance of life and work, I love my friends and family equally. I won’t judge you as a man or woman, I will judge you as a person. I am not blind to my follies and faults, I will adapt and try to move forwards. I WILL love you no matter your size and I DO care if you are upset.

And, if anyone ever wants to talk to me outside of my blogs you can find me on facebook.

Take care all,

GearsGirl



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