Freak Out Moments











{September 3, 2015}   #FirstWorldProblems

So… this is not a blog about cosplay this is something aside from that. My hope is not to anger or upset you, this is just my musings on something in the news at the moment. The crisis that has been all over every page, the “migrant crisis” and what people should be doing, what politicians are being asked to do and what I take for granted, I think I would just like to put into perspective how I see it. If you don’t agree I really don’t mind.

I’ve come in from a job, I have had a nice lunch and before I sat down to watch youtube, and other entertainment, I let my cat out in the garden whilst I finished up some laundry. I went to school so I could read and write and I can sit and play on my Xbox or PC games in my own time.

I didn’t go to school under threat of warfare or landmines, I didn’t worry that as a young woman I was going to be kidnapped by terrorists and taken for a free-for-all gang rape. I’m not starving and I can sit here with my friends, chatting about things like movies and television repeats that bore me.

Refugees are not looking at this, they are aspiring to it if someone will give them a chance. “Illegal Immigrants” is also a phrase that, to me, dehumanizes people. They are undocumented people traveling to seek jobs and homes, yes they have done it without the correct procedure but to call someone illegal seeks to make it sound like their very existence is in itself a crime. They aren’t taking up a job as a CEO, they are taking terrible work with little reward where all too often their landlords are the people they work under, that’s not a good life, it’s human trafficking.

In 2014 the UN and World bank have explained that the following countries took in the most refugees per capita – Hungary, Austria, Sweden, Serbia and Kosovo. In that year 220,194 documented cases of people tried to get into the EU countries, a 266% marked increased from the year before. Italy took in 296% more and this tells you something frightening, those people came with nothing but the clothes they owned and they didn’t want a state funding living, they wanted the basics we all take for granted.

This is called a CRISIS not a trend, in Syria I have lost communication with a friend over the civil wars and troubles. I miss talking to him, I miss chatting about what music we were listening too or games we played. For all I know he is now one of the people in a lorry where 71 people died, or he’s currently trying to get into a train that’s been halted from him seeking assistance.

We see examples in the press about people coming to England for the benefits, what benefits? I would say that’s a roof, food and education. Clear running water is something unobtainable in other countries and a safe place for their own children… It’s not even about numbers or costs to the government it’s about the loss of life and the sacred things we have they do not.

England should do more? Maybe or maybe not but here’s the rub, we CAN do more. I am lucky, I am in a country that lets me express these things. I am not entirely blind to how angry being mobbed as a lorry driver is going to make someone, 11 hours trapped in a cabin on the motorway in Operation Stack is going to test the patience of many good people. What I am saying is that are we really that worried about our own comfort when people out there are being washed up on beaches or found dead in lock ups because there are those that would exploit them?

There’s not a clear cut answer, there’s never going to be but I guess before I get mad about something I am not suffering, maybe it’s time I took a look at thought about what they do NOT have.

I don’t know how to summarize my feelings, I don’t know if I am right in looking at this in the way I do. I just know that when I went to work this morning I wanted another ten minutes in bed, I have a bed, I have a car to drive to my job. I have a radio telling me about how a 6 stone sheep was sheared and a kid got done for sending a naked pic of himself… all of these things we can comment on and more but my comments are currently about the crisis for those less fortunate than I.

So I hope that when we sit and read things, when we get down to brass tacks… we should be grateful for what we have and consider if there is a way to offer that to others without anger and without the bias that all they want is £65 odd a week. I’ve donated where I have the money and I hope that if nothing else can come of this post that when you sit down with your evening meal you’re a little more thankful for it.

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{February 4, 2014}   Cosplaying Perspectives

This is a about perspective. It’s a new year and last year I learnt a hell of a lot, mostly about me and my own shortcomings, as a cosplayer but that’s a good thing, I think its part of life lessons as well as exploring my hobby more in-depth.

Positives from last year – I lost over 100 pounds in weight. FYI that’s like a whole person in some cases! Met awesome friends, saw fantastic costumes and learnt some amazing new crafting ideas.

Negatives – fell into some of the cosplay/popularity traps of getting frustrated by lack of pictures. Had a few times where I was sure I was going to give up and just go back to hiding in my flat. Panic attacks and anxiety issues.

Cosplayer – Your costume and you are fabulous, you don’t need to be told this, you already know it. Don’t belittle what you do, I am terribly good at convincing myself I am terrible. This is a process of mental instability and other outside factors, I want to tell you now I am fully aware of how self-destructive this can be.

Okay I love my costumes, getting a picture and part of the fun is someone stopping you to compliment you but getting angry or upset people don’t only harms you. The guy that shoved me aside for a thinner model, the one that told me I was too fat for a picture when I never asked him for one in the first place and the guy that promises to take a picture then doesn’t? They are upsetting but I can bet you they have already forgotten you, don’t waste time dwelling on them, it’s giving the, too much credit.

Feeling fat, crap or ugly? Nonsense. Someone somewhere loves you for who you are, and whilst you may not see it in that moment take time to reflect on it. I have been guilty of letting a strangers comments destroy me and my confidence and yet in that same day someone else, in fact probably more than one, has mentioned that I look good or my costume is cool. It’s hard not to dwell on a bad comment but honestly look back at the good ones. 

This is not my chosen career, therefore I ask myself regularly am I keeping this in perspective? Selling prints, etc is all well and good if you are trying to make a model career or costume career out of it but if not then don’t be offended by it not being something that falls into your lap. It is not my career it is my hobby, if it was I would be at the gym for hours and over a sewing machine, or hiring a workshop. As I do not do this full time I don’t expect a full time span of attention for it. That said I love the idea that my hobby can be a thing I share and love with so may other people, career cosplayer or not.

So in summary, this year I just aim to have even more fun, keep being creative and let the positivity reap it’s own rewards. 

Wish me luck!

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And here’s a terrible mug shut of me with my super favourite prop at the moment. My Golden Retro Lancer from Gears of War. The lights awful but I hope that if you followed my blog you can see where some of the weight has fallen away 🙂



et cetera