Happy New Year

Time for an end of year round up?

As I write this I’m thinking about a lot of good things that have happened and I am however drawn inevitably to some of those lower moments too. A hit and run on my car, thanks mate I needed the insurance claim! and bad mental health that has put my plans for dieting back so I need to get back to that. But on to the good!

* Another year with my wonderful partner.

* Cosplay, meeting new and old friends thanks to the hobby.

* Mental health is back on track… for now 😉

* Changed job and moved house.

Cosplay wise I got to meet so many people and share a passion with them, it’s just been fantastic. I have even been nominated for Miss Yorkshire Cosplay, if you get time do click on the link HERE and vote for me. I would really appreciate it, and to be honest I am utterly flattered people have voted at all. It’s so much fun to be part of something like that, I never dreamed it would happen to me anyway.

Gaming wise – more Gears of War, a tantalising news event of the possibility that there will be more for X Box one from the Gears world; this means my year of co-operative gaming and hilarious deaths in multi-player were worth it!  Well to be honest any time with friends is worth it.

I got to revel in the new Wolfenstein, also to play new games from Gold that I might not have before. One of those which still amuses me now is Battle Block Theatre, the chaos platform gaming just seems so much fun. I also like my Steam account as it means that I can go wild playing on that too.

World of Warcraft and running a guild is also a blessing, sometimes it feels a little curse like when I am having a rough day and cannot get everything properly organised but the guild I run has amazingly tolerant and mature players for the most part. I like it when I can get time with them as a group for raiding etc… now I really should sort that poor guild bank out!

I really do wish everyone a great 2015, and I hope that you get the most out of a new year.

That Gears Gal

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Cosplaying Perspectives

This is a about perspective. It’s a new year and last year I learnt a hell of a lot, mostly about me and my own shortcomings, as a cosplayer but that’s a good thing, I think its part of life lessons as well as exploring my hobby more in-depth.

Positives from last year – I lost over 100 pounds in weight. FYI that’s like a whole person in some cases! Met awesome friends, saw fantastic costumes and learnt some amazing new crafting ideas.

Negatives – fell into some of the cosplay/popularity traps of getting frustrated by lack of pictures. Had a few times where I was sure I was going to give up and just go back to hiding in my flat. Panic attacks and anxiety issues.

Cosplayer – Your costume and you are fabulous, you don’t need to be told this, you already know it. Don’t belittle what you do, I am terribly good at convincing myself I am terrible. This is a process of mental instability and other outside factors, I want to tell you now I am fully aware of how self-destructive this can be.

Okay I love my costumes, getting a picture and part of the fun is someone stopping you to compliment you but getting angry or upset people don’t only harms you. The guy that shoved me aside for a thinner model, the one that told me I was too fat for a picture when I never asked him for one in the first place and the guy that promises to take a picture then doesn’t? They are upsetting but I can bet you they have already forgotten you, don’t waste time dwelling on them, it’s giving the, too much credit.

Feeling fat, crap or ugly? Nonsense. Someone somewhere loves you for who you are, and whilst you may not see it in that moment take time to reflect on it. I have been guilty of letting a strangers comments destroy me and my confidence and yet in that same day someone else, in fact probably more than one, has mentioned that I look good or my costume is cool. It’s hard not to dwell on a bad comment but honestly look back at the good ones. 

This is not my chosen career, therefore I ask myself regularly am I keeping this in perspective? Selling prints, etc is all well and good if you are trying to make a model career or costume career out of it but if not then don’t be offended by it not being something that falls into your lap. It is not my career it is my hobby, if it was I would be at the gym for hours and over a sewing machine, or hiring a workshop. As I do not do this full time I don’t expect a full time span of attention for it. That said I love the idea that my hobby can be a thing I share and love with so may other people, career cosplayer or not.

So in summary, this year I just aim to have even more fun, keep being creative and let the positivity reap it’s own rewards. 

Wish me luck!

And here’s a terrible mug shut of me with my super favourite prop at the moment. My Golden Retro Lancer from Gears of War. The lights awful but I hope that if you followed my blog you can see where some of the weight has fallen away 🙂

Pre Expo Blog

Wow it’s time already? MCM Expo in London, I am packed as much as I can be before setting off. Since May I have downed my size from 24 – 18 apart from my top half cos my stupid bewbs refuse to disappear on me just yet!

What a crazy few months of prepping it’s been too. I am taking an upgraded version of my Nero from DMC4, and I am taking Dante again, female version, with a sword I will be picking up the Friday. I am then going to be taking my first full Resident Evil one, I have made a crossplay (sorta) of Nightmare version of Chris Redfield.

So here’s where the nerves start, despite loving the costumes and going out on a crazy train for three days there are some things I can’t ever stop. One is that sickly stomach feeling when I realise just how nervous it makes me but that’s okay this is a hurdle I would love to cross sometime and only by carrying on will I really get a chance to do that.

I want to thank my friends, you’re support has been overwhelming and to everyone that’s new to my little page I genuinely thank you for taking the time to read what I put on these pages.

Conventions are a fantastic way to show off the things you love, and the passion that you have. So far I have realised that there are some I enjoy as costumes more than others but the response to them varies too. For instance my Marluxia from Kingdom Hearts gets me a lot of nice comments but I have had a couple of nasty ones about others I do. I don;’t mind, I accept that everyone has a different taste but I think that overall it’s important to respect the work that people out into them. For this reason even if I don’t know the character or particularly like the character I will still compliment a job well done. I think we should all do that.

So to everyone off to London, or just interested in these things in general I hope to see you around or if not I hope you enjoy what I write.

See you all soon.

Yours.

Gearsgirl.

The Fat Factor and photography

I am realistic, I am a big girl. I know this, to be honest we are ALL aware of our own bodies and size.  Don’t be fooled into thinking I am unaware of my own shape and size, and why? I was for many years a dancer and singer and very slender. I was toned, I did ballet, jazz and tap, I danced for two to three hours a day and I would ride horses around when I wasn’t in school/college/work.

I didn’t have a full time office job, I wasn’t subject to injuries and at the time I wasn’t even aware of the horrifically cruel things human’s would do to one another just to make themselves feel better. And that’s the crux of this post…

I shied away from my picture being taken for years after I exited the entertainment business. At size 8-10 with fairly decent figure, fit, healthy, brown hair and brown eyed I was told more often than I would care to mention – you are too fat, need to loose a couple pounds. Basically in order to satisfy a man’s ideals instead of being happy that I was healthy they wanted me to starve. Ballet Dancers aren’t allowed to eat, shit or drink like a human they are expected to be some form of bone with a fleshy cling-film overlay.

My impression of the cosplay world for those that want to take it seriously is that it is just as brutal and rude. CRUDE would be a good word. I am not thin, I am not going to slim down for THEM I do it for me!

I have downsized from a UK 24 to an 18 in the last year, I have done it with a healthier eating pattern and by taking walks. I have done this for me not for a media photographer and yet I still see girls who are perfectly healthy and normal being told they are too fat, their breasts are too small.

It actually makes you feel disappointed that in a day and age where we are so willing to fight for the rights of a murder, or rapist that nothing is said about the media portrayal of people.  It’s easier to poke fun at the “fat bitch” than to think, hey she’s really fighting to get up in the morning, to do the right thing, I should ask her how she’s feeling… I should keep my damned abusive mouth shut.

It is true I feel that you can avoid internet bullying, but I also think it’s important to understand people that feel bullied won’t know how to deal with it. Sometimes we aren’t equipped with the mindset to walk away, you sit in front of the PC and see those comments, “fat” “ugly” “worthless” and buried in the myriad of beautiful praises they stand out, they are negative and they are hurtful. Internet trolls aren’t even clever people, they just think they are. Personally they are the ones I feel more sorry for when I sit down to analyse it, after all they are that needy for attention they have to try to destroy other people’s creativity and happiness.

So I guess really what I am saying is, I don’t think it’s important to you as a person if you cosplay and they ignore your costume for the thing girl. I’ve been physically pushed aside by men for a picture of a prettier girl by the way…

It is more important to evaluate your self-worth. I find this hard but here’s my example!

I love what I do, I have a balance of life and work, I love my friends and family equally. I won’t judge you as a man or woman, I will judge you as a person. I am not blind to my follies and faults, I will adapt and try to move forwards. I WILL love you no matter your size and I DO care if you are upset.

And, if anyone ever wants to talk to me outside of my blogs you can find me on facebook.

Take care all,

GearsGirl